Mutlu Yıllar

In a few hours a new year will start with new hopes and wishes. I'm so excited about it. The reason is maybe that I've finished my thesis, which was a long waited moment, or maybe I can make another wish list, or maybe I have so many friends, whom I could send postcards and share my happiness...There are so many reasons..This year is going to be different! I said it also for 2010 but this time I really feel different about it. I can't wait to see that my wishes for 2011 will become real. I learnt a lot during 2010, I know this will help me through 2011 and life. I hope that 2011 brings happiness and joy to everyone!
Today, I've send postcards to my friends all over the world. It was great to share happiness by sending gifts and postcards. I hope that my best friend gets her gift before midnight! That would be great. I planned to be with her for the new year, but unfortunetly I could'nt make it. It doesn't matter because I'll be with her very soon! To celebrate my graduation!! Looking forward for that day!

I'm with my family now, maybe next year I'll be somewhere else. But this year I'll have a traditional celebration with the whole family. Every new year eve, I remember the last year. Last new year eve, I was with my best friend and her family in Istanbul. That was so nice. Another new year eve, I love to remember is 2005! The last day of 2005, I was in Ephesus with my international family. It was could but wonderful. I guess it was also my first time in Ephesus, in winter. Mostly, you go in spring or summer. But we preferred new years eve! To walk in Ephesus during the day, and for the night a delicous dinner cooked by Shaune-from Taiwan...I smile whenever I think about it. It was so great. I really miss that time and my friends.

I wish to everyone a happy, healthy, joyful and woderful year! I hope to meet all those friends I've been missing, and I wish to travel a lot. I wish to be in Seoul, and to spent in time with my best friend in Berlin! There is so many wishes I have...I hope that all our wishes and dreams become real in 2011!!

keep smiling!!!

love you all...

A nostalgic farewell to 2010

I’ve been very busy for the last 2-3 weeks. I can say that I’ve barely slept. On the way home, I fell asleep in the dolmush ( a mix of taxi and bus, which you pay less than a taxi but have  to say where you wanna get off). Suddenly, I opened my eyes and have seen that bright, shiny window… “wanna get off here!!”..and jumped out…

I had a deadline to catch up and to end things which have been going on for too long. After the problems sort itself out, I could breath deeply. My university is actually a place where you can go tracking. There is no way out, if you miss the last bus. So I was in a hurry not to miss it. With a heavy backpack, I’ve been running and could catch the bus. To get home, I had to take another one from the city center. I told you, my university in mountains. I was so tired that I fell asleep right away, I got into the dolmush. Even with the dolmush it takes an hour to get home, plus traffic. At least I could have a good sleep until home .

While I was listening to C.N. Blue-a korean boy band- “I’m a loner” –I suddenly opened my eyes. Half awake, half sleepy I saw this bright, shiny, colorful window and had the feeling I had to see that closer. After I said “wanna get off here, pls” , the driver let me off much further. I had to walk back, but nothing could stop me! When arrived at the window, I saw that it was a stationary shop!! I love stationary shops, I love stickers, I love those small shiny, colorful gifts you can get from there. Those postcards and letters…Because New Year is coming it was much brighter than usual. It was the New Year decorations which I saw so bright. I just walked in and looked for nice stickers. I got so many, smiles, Dora, Winxs for my niece, some cute other ones..have bought a grey pen etc etc..couldn’t stop myself. Then I saw those small wood decorations, which exactly make you feel the winter and New Year! One is a snowman, and I have an angel as well, and a small soldier…feels like I’m back to the past..so nostalgic…

my winter wishes VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

I was planning to spend New Year with my best friend and her husband, also a friend of mine, and some other friends I’ve been looking forward to meet. But plans had to change. I’ll definitely go to Istanbul, and we will celebrate it afterwards very big!! As promised in a Korean Restaurant at Beyoglu .

 

After I also bought those nice decorations, I finally got out of the shop, I’ve seen there was another one near by…Actually, I was looking for some postcards. I decided to send postcards for the New Year to all my friends all around the world. But I was distracted by the stickers :).

In the second shop, I got the postcards I was looking for. They were really nostalgic. I remember when my cousin was sending me cards, they had a different painting. The material was different, they had a different smell. That’s why I only could find them somewhere far in a small shop, covered with dust waiting for me to buy. I bought so many I don’t remember how much, then I saw some stickers again. I love to stick smiles in my notebooks, cards, letters, anywhere..It makes life colorful, and gives an expression to the sentences. I spent some more hours in that shop..

Finally, I was much happier with so many cards, stickers and an empty wallet. I was thinking to whom to send the cards. I had to check for the addresses. I was even not sure if those cards were enough. I had to surprise them with nice cards. I know how wonderful it is to get a post! Specially on New Year, full of new wishes.

That is how I spend my day. Writing  postcards to my friends. There are still so many, I have to write but it makes me happy. I really missed to spend time on things like this. I was confused and distracted by being unhappy for doing something I actually did not like to do. But sometimes we have to do those things, like the not wanted thesis. I had to go through it, and I’m much happier now that I can spend more time on writing cards to my friends.

My dearest Friends,

Germany, Spain, Belgium, Romania, Holland, Taiwan, Mexico, Macedonia, Greece, Japan, China, India, Colombia, Chile, Russia, Canada, USA, Egypt, Jordan, Poland, Sweden, Denmark, Austria, Czech Republic….and Türkiye! Where ever you might be, you can be surprised to get a postcard! This year I’m sending you my best wish per post!

Happy New Year! May 2011 the year we all meet again!

Miss you all…

O gölgen az önce bana uzandı…

Bugün çok karmaşık, yoğun, soğuk ve inanılmaz yağmurlu bir gün geçirdim. Bir sevindim bir kafam karıştı. Bir anda umutla doldu içim, bir anda çaresiz olduğumu fark ettim. Önemli bir adım atmam gerekiyor, korkmadan hemde! Karar vermem gerekiyor, ciddi ve önemli bir karar, kendimi toplayıp tamamen soluksuz sonuna kadar gitmek için. Bir sürü düşünce uçuşuyordu kafamda, bu aralar zorlanıyorum karar almada. Bazen de çok büyük bir değişiklik olacaksa hayatımda ilk adımı atmaktan çekiniyorum.

Gözüme uykuda girmiyor, kafamı toparlayamıyorum da, nerden başlasam bilemedim. Sonra bir anda canım dostumun yazısını gördüm.

Gölgem yalnız değil

Merak ettim acaba ne demek istemiş diye, okudum ve okurken sanki o gölge karşımdaki bir zamanlar uçuk mavi olan ancak artık içimdeki stresten griye dönüşen duvarda gördüm gölgeleri…Yüzündeki o huzurlu ifadeyi seçemiyordum belki gölgeden, ancak bir sıcaklık hissettim..Belkide nefesiydi, derin derin alıp verdiği…

Kendimi daha iyi hissettim, o gölge bana da uzanmıştı sanki. Ne kadar güzel dedim, canım bir tane dostum, çok sevdiği bir işi yapıyor ve mutlu. Çünkü korkmadı adım atmaktan, gerekeni yaptı istediği hayali için! Ben de yapmalıyım, bu sefer geri adım atamam, bu kadar yaklaşmışken, sonrasını şimdiyi karmaşayı düşünerek korkmamalıyım!

Bu yazından sonra daha net düşünüyorum. Şimdi gidip sakin ve huzurlu bir uyku uyuduktan sonra, sabah erkenden kalkıp kahvemi içerek ayılacağım ve kollarımı sıvayıp, yeni hayatım şekillendirmek için eski hayatıma dair kalıntıları, son kiremit parçalarını, taşları, tüm yükleri ayıklayıp atacağım.

Kendime istediğimi yapma ve istediğim gibi yaşamak için seçim özgürlüğünü tanıyacağım!

Arkadaşlık her zaman gölge veren bir ağaçtır. Colaridge

Ne kadar doğru, EceneM, teşekkür ederim

p.s. Aja aja, fighting!!!!!!

Bitiş çizgisini görür gibiyim…

yıllar önce çok uzun soluklu bir yarışa başlamıştım. Aslında sonu belliydi, ancak bir türlü gelmek bilmiyordu. Bazen kendimin koyduğu bazen de elimde olmayan nedenlerden dolayı birçok engelle karşılaştım. Bu süre içinde bazen hiç bitmeyecek en iyisi yarıştan ayrılmak diye düşündüğüm bile oldu, bazen birinin gelip beni oradan çıkarmasını istedim. Kendi isteğimle girdiğim bir yarışı bir türlü sonuçlandırmamanın verdiği rahatsızlık ve sıkıntı vardı. Uzun zamandır, keyifle yaptığım şeyler bile bana vicdan azabı verir oldu, biteremediğim yarış yüzünden…Ne zaman bitiş çizgisini gördüm bu sefer son tur desem, öyle olmadığını gördüm. Ancak bu sefer gerçekte görüyorum, son tura geldim.

Ailem, sevdiklerim, arkadaşlarım bu son tur için bana destek oluyorlar..Seslerini duyar gibiyim, “az kaldı dayan başaracaksın” diyorlar. Biliyorum, bu sefer gerçekten son tur, ve başaracağım! Bu son turu bitirdikten sonra kurtulacağım tüm yükümden, ve özgür olacağım…

Bu yarış ise bana tecrübe olacak, bana öğrettiği çok önemli şeyler var! Son tura geçmeden önce yaklaşık 1 haftam var, dilerim herkes güzel ve sorunsuz bir hafta geçirir…

Cenem dostum bu uzun ve yorucu yolda hep yanımda olduğun ve bana destek verdiğin için çok teşekkür ederim.

Seni çok seviyorum! İyiki varsın!